Rhymes with duck

Normally, it's a journalist's job to use reasoned, rational arguments when they disagree with a person.  A good editorial presents an opinion and then backs it up, but does not resort to harsh language or name calling. 

However, the world of journalism is changing and in a society where "Fair and Balanced" has become a cruel joke, etiquette sometimes gets thrown out the window.  The Daily Show's Jon Stewart has recently taken to doling out gospel chorus backed "Go (rhymes with duck) yourself"s to ideological opponents who have stooped so low and behaved so poorly that they no long deserve polite rebuttals.  I salute Jon Stewart in his refusal to engage those that are not playing by the rules. It's a sad fact, but the game has changed and for many media institutions, integrity has become a casualty. So as an up and coming journalist myself, I'd like to join Mr. Stewart in handing out some PG Rated "words of advice."

Tea Party - Disguising bigotry, violent extremist rhetoric, and threats of domestic terrorism under a banner of flag waving "patriotism," the Tea Party are the guiding light leading us into America's dark decline. Whining about taxes, necessary health care reform, and a black president who they say they "just don't like," the Tea Party members bitch incessantly about everything wrong with America while offering no solutions of their own. Complaining about a Portland school teacher who campaigns against them, the Oregon Tea Party said, "As the targeted group, and therefore directed victims of Mr. Levin's hate speech, attempted identity theft and even death threats, we feel that we are correct in demanding a response from the district on this issue." As the group who hasn't stopped making death threats and hate speech since Obama came into office, I'd like to tell the Tea Party to "go fly a kite."

Oklahoma and Arizona - I understand that Oklahoma and Arizona are not bad states populated exclusively by bigoted idiots. Both  have contributed many fine things to our nation like the Flaming Lips and  cartoon style cacti, respectively. However, their recent legislative activities are inexcusable. Oklahoma, how does sending women on a massive guilt trip before they can receive an abortion accomplish anything positive? Arizona, is legalized racial profiling really going to do the world any good. The answer to both questions is a resounding "no," which is why both states (or more specifically their laws) can "go soak their heads."

Sarah Palin and the Republican party - Oh hypocrisy, let me count the ways. While Republicans in D.C. are stonewalling every initiative brought to the table, simultaneously scolding the Democrats for not being bipartisan, Sarah Palin has been going rogue all over the country.  Presenting herself as a folksy populist hero, Palin is charging admission for her rallies, flying first class, demanding bendy straws, and raising butt loads of campaign cash for 2012. Speaking of butts, Mrs. Palin and the Republican party, please "stick your head where the sun don't shine."

FOX News - There is no "liberal news media." It doesn't exist anymore. You killed it with your spin crazy 24 hour propaganda machine you have the nerve to call "news." And, unfortunately, none of the other media outlets have had the guts to do anything but play follow the leader into a world where gay rights protests get zero coverage while ten ill-informed Tea Partiers in a Walmart parking lot calls for live reporting. And when anyone critiques you or refuses to play your games, you play the victim and act innocent. I'm not buying it. Fox News, you can "sit on it."

Science - Not only are you guys lying and getting the members of Insane Clown Posse pissed, it's 2010 and we don't have any of the cool stuff the Jetsons promised us. Sure, we've got Google and the iPad. Big deal. Having humanity's collective knowledge at our fingertips has only lead to cat photos and updates on what Ashton Kutcher ate for breakfast. I want a hover car. No wait, I want a hover board! At the very least, can please find some technology to solve the above problems? Until then, "go suck an egg."