Pepper Spray Incidents on the Rise at ACC

While some may argue that nothing exemplifies the holiday spirit like long lines at the cash register and early bird sales at the mall, the past few weeks have demonstrated a new facet to the holiday season. Nestled alongside the gift of giving and goodwill-to-all is the new face of the holiday season. I'm talking, of course, of spreading goodwill in the form of atomized weapons-grade pepper spray.

Apparently, ACC campus security wished to convey their holiday cheer directly into a crowd of peaceful protesters last week, prompting a swift reaction from the board of trustees and ACC's President/CEO Dr. Richard Rhodes.

"This sort of behavior is completely unacceptable," said Dr. Rhodes at a press conference following the incident. "These students were peaceably protesting in front of the bookstore at Pinnacle Campus; they had every right to be there."

Julie Stevenson was present at the protest when the incident took place. After receiving medical treatment for the chemical goodwill she received, she explained what happened.

"Police showed up, and demanded we disperse from the area," Stevenson explained.

"We were protesting because we believe the true meaning of Black Friday has been lost in all the commercialization; we weren't about to back down. After we locked arms, campus security started spreading holiday cheer right into our faces. It was horrible!"

A second student at Rio Grande Campus was also taken by the holiday spirit earlier last week, and felt the need to convey her well-wishes to the students in front of her in the line for Simon's Café. After expending an entire can of mace, she was able to order her food and enjoy it in the cafeteria.

Campus security responded immediately by delivering goodwill of their own into the common area. This quickly forced an evacuation.

"I was coughing and wheezing...unable to breathe," explained Scott Silverman, a freshman. "It was a regular holiday-party in there!" Both pepper-spraying incidents have prompted an investigation into how and why the incidents occurred.

"I believe it's just the jolly mood of the holiday season that's to blame," explained Dr. Barbra Mink, leader of the Board of Trustees. "With all the enthusiasm that ACC students have to offer, they've taken up the true meaning of the season."

"If there's a holiday season without people attacking one another in the malls and on campuses, then I don't want to be part of it," explained Dr. Rhodes.

Editor's note: This column is intended for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered factual in any way. All opinions are those of the writer and do not reflect the opinions of the Accent or Austin Community College employees.