Say it like you mean it

When actor Christian Bale's astonishing outburst was unleashed on an unsuspecting public, the reputation of Hollywood celebrities was hardly unsullied. From unfortunates like Marilyn Monroe, survivors like Dennis Hopper, right through to mental midgets like Matt Damon; it's been a production line of dysfunction, idiocy and criminal self-indulgence.

The fact that these people are given a pass by a public who could care less what they do in private is fair enough, I suppose. Thousands of people also make tons of money from promoting this ridiculous gravy train of stupidity and you can't blame them from making a quick cynical buck or two, and putting their kids through college from the proceeds.

But, back to Bale. When he tore Director of Photography Shane Hurlbut a new one, during the filming of "Terminator Salvation," it was treated as a typical Hollywood "moment." Someone put the tirade to music, and it was a rather amusing remix it has to be said, but it wasn't even any of that stuff that really bothered me.

You know what bugged the crap out of me about Bale's stressed hairdresser moment? The way he speaks. Yeah, that's what has been annoying me most of all about this. Call it trivial if you want, and you probably will, but the way his accent defies logic.

Apparently Bale was born in Wales and spent his childhood in England, Portugal, and the United States. Oh, ok he's traveled a bit and it's reasonable to assume that someone would kind of pick up parts of accents along the way. Ok, fine, I can almost understand that.

But Bale's accent does bring up a huge bugbear for me. Now, some of you may know that I'm originally from London - that's in England for the more geographically challenged - and have been living here in Texas for almost six years.

I have not lost one bit of my London accent and I never will. I haven't struggled to keep it in place either, it's just remained there naturally, because that's where I come from. I have met numerous Brits out here since I arrived and I haven't met one yet that has an accent that hasn't been mixed up with the American accent they have affected.

When I ask them why they put on this accent, they often reply that it happened naturally and this is from people who have been here for less than 20 minutes! Maybe they have the insecure need to assimilate and not stand out, or possibly they are ashamed of where they come from.

It's time to start a "let's reclaim our accent" petition. Maybe I'm insane, which is not impossible, but if there are any other Brits reading this, drop the fake accent for an hour-a-day and see how liberating it feels! There could be no more wonderful of a moment than putting the plum right back into your mouth and becoming British again. I can even envision a website: www.efakeyankaccentforthequeen.co,uk. Yeah, that's the idea.

Oh Christian, you've really started something now.